Thursday, May 21, 2009

Poo Envy

Supermomish Confession # 521:
I resent my husband for taking a dump.
Is that ridiculous or what?

But see, it takes him 30, 40 minutes - sometimes even more! And no, he's not actually pooping that entire time. If he was that would be some kinda record! He takes the laptop (oh yes) with him. Laptops are the new newspaper, don't ya know. So he does his thing in the first few minutes, and then spends most of his time surfing the web. Most men do this to some extent, right? So why does it drive me so crazy? Well, he does it every day - and has since the day I met him. While it seems unnecessary to say he should poo differently post-baby....he should poo differently post-baby, damn it! It bothers me that it hasn't changed. Because for me? Everything has changed. I pee in 10 seconds flat so I can jet back to my wailing baby. I take my showers while my infant sits, strapped in his papasan, just outside the tub. And between washing body parts I have to stick my head around the curtain so he stops whimpering in fear that I've disappeared. Even if my husband gives me a baby-free shower on one of the weekend days, I still rush through it rather than enjoy it because I know the baby is probably screaming for his daddy and I don't want either of them to get frustrated with me. Sometimes I will be "selfish" and take a few extra minutes, only to feel like I'm getting the death stare from 4 eyeballs when I finally come down the stairs. So why should he get his time uninterrupted, unrestricted, every single day? It doesn't seem fair.

I still get to read, and surf the web, yes - but not without holding my baby at the same time, or doing it 6 inches away from him - keeping one eye on him the whole time, or without feeling immense guilt from both myself & my husband if I selfishly say, no - I'm doing this right now, and give it my full attention. I never get no strings attached time! Yes, I know this is my job, and yes, my husband is juggling a lot - including working overtime. But....he still gets lunch breaks. Not me - I'm lucky if I eat at all. He still gets evenings, weekends, vacation days and sick days. I get none of theses. And once a day, without fail - without guilt or restraint, he gets the refuge of pooing in peace. I have a chubby baby with curious eyes staring at me while I rush through it.

Side note: If you, like me, have to stick your baby in some sort of restraint while you shower, I highly recommend an interesting shower curtain. I chose mine for it's design long before my little man came to exist, but conveniently - it is black & white (which you know, infants love!), and he spends most of my shower staring at it like an art enthusiast analysing a painting. Here's mine: Nicole Miller Rosewood Damask Shower Curtain, $49.99 at Bed Bath and Beyond.

Disclaimer: My husband is wonderful - both at being a husband and a father. He helps me out more than the average man and I love him for it. He just likes to poo a little too much. :)

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